Saturday, January 23, 2016

Don't Assume

Hello my bloggy friends...

Looking at the date, I realized I have been quite remiss in my blogging lately.  I have been feeling mostly pretty good (except for that little bout of pneumonia that popped up New Year's Day) and have been super busy working on "rebranding" my little corner of Etsy.  Oh and there was the little matter of a certain blonde turning four and entertaining what felt like the entire preschool at his birthday party.  Seriously, who has 65 people at a four year old's party?  Outside, in the winter (or as wintery as we get.)  But I digress...that is not what I logged on to write about. I have a story, two stories to tell you, that I just couldn't keep to myself.

Warning:  The rest of this post is funny.  I think very, laugh out loud, funny.  You might disagree.  It also might shed a little light on some of my weak parenting moments.  Sorry...not sorry!

So the little one (the aforementioned four year old) and I were running errands this morning.  Those of you who know him know that he is adorable and charming, frighteningly bright, and quite devious and sassy.  My Gram would have called him downright naughty (and she would not have been wrong!)  He reminds me a lot of the stories she used to tell about my father from when he was a naughty little boy. 

Got through our first errand just fine, then headed to Target.  Usual routine, popcorn and drink as a bribe to sit in the cart, run through the dollar spot (not called that anymore since they introduced $3 items...humph.) and then off to the rest of the store.  We really only needed a few things and I promised him we would take pictures of new car seats so we could 'search (J speak for research) them.  (Yes, he is big enough to move into a booster seat.  Sigh.)

So apparently I wear a big sign around my neck that must read "Please make assumptions about me."  And apparently everyone shopping around me feels that they must.  This is a part of my more recent history.  (Those of you who don't know my meth head/crack whore story, go read this post:   )

Here is today's assumption...

J and I finished taking the pictures he wanted and I said to him, "Okay, let's go get some girl stuff."  This young mother was passing me as I said that and she leans over to me and says, very politely (for someone assuming something about me) "You know Ma'am (Ma'am, really???), it really isn't fair for your child for you to force your gender expectations on him."  I said, very politely, "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you are talking about."  "I just heard you say that you were going to go find some girl stuff.  That is forcing your gender expectations onto him and he might not be comfortable with it."

At this point, it is taking everything in my power not to burst out laughing.  "I understand that," I said, "but what would you call pads and tampons?  I am very comfortable with fluid gender are looking at a child whose counts a pink dollhouse among his favorite toys.  It's just easier to call the feminine hygiene products girl stuff and leave it at that."

This poor young woman is now completely beet red and is stammering for words to apologize.  "It's fine," I said, "I'm not upset, but please don't assume things about other people without knowing the whole story.  It will get you into trouble everytime."  At which point, the little blonde in my cart, mouth full of popcorn, says, "Yeah, don't assume.  You'll be in trouble."  So sassy that one is!  The young mom slunk away and when I saw her in another part of the store later, she wouldn't make eye contact with me.  I'm guessing she won't do that again!

Story #2, this one is short and sassy.  We checked out and were leaving the store and there was an older lady walking behind us.  Now, everyone talks to this child of mine, so it wasn't a surprise when I heard her say hello to him.  But then she says "Are you having fun with your grandma today?"  SERIOUSLY???  Before I have a chance to even say a word, J says (imagine a sassy 14 year old coming out of this four year old's mouth to get the tone of his words) "That is not my grandma.  Does she look like my grandma?  No. She is my mom, she doesn't look like grandma at all.  Duh." (If he could have snapped in a z formation, he would have!)  I said, stifling the urge to high five him, "Now, J., that wasn't nice.  You have to be polite." (I know it wasn't convincing because he immediately started giggling!) I turned to her, said "Have a lovely day!" and walked away.  By the time we got to the car, I was laughing so hard I could barely stand up.  Of course, now J. thinks he is just the bees knees and I'm sure I'm going to pay for it later when I really do expect him to be polite and respectful, but for now, I'll take "Duh!" as the answer to the grandma question anyday!

That's it for me today...Mom and I are headed out to see Idina Menzel in If/Then this afternoon so I have to go get all fancy.

Have a lovely (I really mean it!), sparkly day!

Love and sparkles to you all,

P.S.  New items for Valentine's Day hit my shop today...go check them out!  I think they are super cute (but I might be a bit biased!!!)  G.