Here it is, the last day of 2015. I have never, ever been so glad to see a year end. Usually, we celebrate New Year's Eve, we watch the parade New Year's Day and that's it, everything goes back to the way it was, nothing is really very different. But this year, the turning of the year on the calendar just means so much more to me. 2015 was pretty hellish, to say the least. But I made it. And now I really, truly get to put it all behind me. I am starting 2016 with a smile on my face and in my heart. I feel like I am beginning the rest of my life. (Wow, cliché much???)
Being home with my kiddos these last two weeks, I have realized that Steve and I (mostly Steve) did a really good job shielding the kids from the worst of what was happening. We had some conversations this week that showed me that they understood what happened, they were a little worried, and now they aren't. Now I'm just mom again. Not mom who is sick or mom with a trach, just plain old mom. They know things are different, that I have to rest more, I can't really yell (seriously not disappointed by that one!) and I still have a tube that I get food through. But none of that matters, they aren't phased by it one bit. I am so thankful for that.
I've been thinking about resolutions. I've always been a big resolution maker...and breaker, sometimes on the same day. My resolutions have always been about losing weight or getting healthy or being more organized (might not give that one up!) And I don't just make them in January either. Ask Steve...I am famous for what we dubbed "Self Help Saturdays" where I would decide on a new diet or eating plan for us. Sunday we would shop, Monday and Tuesday I would cook, and by Wednesday it was all out the window. I have done this more times than I can count. I resolved I was going to exercise everyday and then the second day it rained, so I couldn't possibly take a walk and that was it, I was done. So this year, while I'm still making resolutions, they are of a very different ilk.
First resolution...treat my body well. My poor body has been through a lot. I have been poked and prodded, cut and sewn, bruised and scarred, and burned from the inside out. It's a lot for one little body to take in a year. Through the course of the year, I have lost a little over 100 pounds. (Those pounds were the reasons for all those self-help Saturdays.) Not the most ideal diet, by any means, but I take this weight loss as my silver lining to this whole darn thing. This weight loss is so good for me in the long run, I intend to respect my body and the work it has done for me this year, and be good to myself. That means eating well and moving more, both at a slow and comfortable pace. And listening to my body as well. Listening when I need to rest and paying attention, very close attention, to anything that might be just a little out of whack. I will check the girls, get my mammogram (I'm behind a year, but I've had a few other scans!), do any other tests and screenings I need to do. (And just know...I will be a nudge...if I'm getting screened for things, you know I'm going to be bugging all of you about your screenings too. Just because I love you!)
Second resolution...listen to my inner voice and trust it. I've realized this year that the little voice in my head says some really smart things and I should really listen better. I have spent my whole life ignoring my own voice and following whoever talked the loudest. Not any more. I have to trust myself. If I am going to build this blog, my business, a future for myself, I have to follow my instincts and trust my gut. I'm going to make mistakes, I'm sure of it. But that's okay. As long as I am true to myself, it will all be good!
Third, and probably most important resolution...I'm going to be. Be healthy, be kind, be loving, be thankful, be in the moment, be happy, be me. I'm going to live this year with everything I have. I'm going to embrace moments I might have let go by before. Even those moments that don't seem worth celebrating, I'm going to be in them. I'm going to put down my screens more and connect with my people (making them put down their screens won't be easy...but oh so worth it!) I'm going to listen with my whole self instead of trying to do ten things at once. Sounds simple and totally complicated, all at once. I'm looking forward to seeing what comes out of it.
So, there they are, my new year's resolutions. Are you making any this year? What are they?
Happy New Year to you, my village. You already know how I feel about you, but I will say it again anyway...I love you and I am so thankful you are all in my life. You helped me make it through my year of hell and now I look forward to sharing all the sweetness of the new year with you. Big hugs!!!!
With much love and lots of new year sparkles,
Gayle
Talk to you in 2016!!!
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